A igreja do monstro de esparguete voador

Apesar do título, não, não estou drogado.
Venho aqui falar de uma religião recente, no entanto, com um crescimento bastante acentuado.



No principio o Monstro de esparguete voador criou o Universo,uma montanha, árvores e um anão.



Tudo foi criado por ele e não vale a pena os cientistas tentarem fazer datação por carbono. O Monstro de esparguete voador altera os resultados e faz os cientistas pensar que a Terra é mais velha do que realmente é.

O FSM (flying spaghetti monster) mostrou a um seu grande discípulo, o pirata capitão Mosey, os 8 mandamentos ( 8 condimentos como entendeu a tripulação do capitão Mosey), originalmente eram 10 mas 2 foram perdidos enquanto Mosey subia a montanha.

Os mandamentos são os seguintes:

1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.
4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.
6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):

1. Ending Poverty
2. Curing Diseases
3. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.


Os piratas são seres absolutamente sagrados e o seu desaparecimento está a originar o aquecimento global, vejam o gráfico abaixo:



Há um Céu e um Inferno.

No Céu há vulcões de cerveja até perder de vista e uma fábrica de strippers.

No Inferno a cerveja é sem álcool, quente e as strippers têm DST's.


Tenho pena de os nossos amigos cristãos não se darem muito bem com esta religião, já que as crenças são tão similares.


Visitem este artigo da wikipédia para conhecerem melhor esta fantástica religião.